What I Would Change About Golf

In Honor of Peter Finch from Network

As someone who books nearly every round as a single, I’ve played with more strangers than a rideshare driver on New Year’s Eve. And while I genuinely enjoy the game—and most of the characters who wander into my foursomes—2026 has delivered a few moments that have tested my patience, my etiquette, and occasionally my life expectancy.

I’m not cranky. I’m not curmudgeonly. I’m simply a seasoned golfer with a deep appreciation for efficiency, courtesy and a reasonable pace of play.

Here’s what I’ve noticed:

• The “Just‑In‑Time” Tee‑Time Arrivals

Some golfers treat the first tee like a dentist appointment—arrive at the exact minute, sign the cart waiver, stretch, chat, and only then begin the spiritual journey of choosing a club. Meanwhile, the rest of us are aging like fine wine… or like unrefrigerated milk.

• The Tee Box Driving Range Interns

One ball is tradition. Two is a mulligan. Three or more is a practice session.

I started wondering about the recent Tufts Graduate who shot a 69 – on the front nine.  He averaged just over two shots off each tee box.  He hit houses on 2 and 5, the street between 4 and 5, and only began “officially scoring” once he put a ball in play. He lost 22 balls. I lost my will to live.

• The Back‑Tee Warriors

If you can’t break 90, the back tees are not a rite of passage—they’re a cry for help.  Courses with a slope rating above 140 should borrow Bethpage Black’s iconic sign:

“This Is An Extremely Difficult Course Which We Recommend Only For Highly Skilled Golfers.”

I’d happily install it myself. Or, like in Scotland, the starter could simply check GHIN cards and gently say, “Ah, yes. The back tee is closed today.”

• The Par‑4 Green Invaders

Last this past Wednesday on 15, someone hit onto the green while we were still putting. I placed his ball on a tee as a subtle message: “Sir, you are very inconsiderate.” Warm, professional, and to the point.  This Saturday, three golfers launched drives to this green while golfers were still putting.  It takes five hours to play that course.  They weren’t going anywhere.  What happened to the less-than-4-hour round-trip we grew up playing?

• The Cart‑Path‑Only Philosophers

When it’s cart‑path‑only, and someone strolls to their ball empty‑handed, contemplates the shot, and then strolls back for a club. I begin calculating how many minutes of my life I’ll never get back. The answer is always “too many.”

• Rangefinders for Everything

If the cart GPS says 142, you don’t need a laser to stand by the cart and shoot the distance again. If you’re inside 50 yards, you really don’t need a laser.

• Beverage Cart Gridlock

I adore the beverage cart team—they’re delightful. But serving golfers in the middle of the fairway or next to a green adds 20 minutes to every round. At this point, both the cart attendant and the golfers should have a yield sign.  The beverage cart attendant should be restricted to serving golfers while they wait on the tee.

• AimPoint Apprentices Who Can’t Break 100

If you’re using AimPoint on your second putt, you’re not reading the green—you’re auditioning for Riverdance.

• The 12‑Inch Ball Markers

If your ball is a foot from the hole and you announce, “My league makes us putt everything out,” I admire your commitment. I also quietly question your life choices.

• The Statistician

After putting out, I watch in awe as the golfer sits in his cart and logs his score, putts, fairways hit, greens in regulation (rarely applicable), and up‑and‑down percentage into his iPhone while the group behind waits. I respect the data. I do not respect the delay.

• The 18th‑Green Youth Soccer Academy

Last night, June 17, parents let their kids play soccer on the 18th green between approach shots. I love youth sports. I do not love them on a putting surface.  The problem is not with the children but the self-indulgent parents who view golf course personnel as free babysitters while they have dinner.

• The Single‑Line Restaurant Queue

One line to order food, and attendants only deliver it. If you want a second drink, you get to stand behind 20 people again. It’s like Disneyland, but without the churros or joy.

Golf is a beautiful, maddening, communal, hilarious game. And while these moments test my patience, they also remind me why I keep coming back: the stories are priceless, the characters unforgettable, and the comedy unintentional but world‑class in an environment where the customer service is superlative and the course well-conditioned.